Crap.Vonnegut.And Surviving This Thing.

Today has been a crappy day, a real crappy day. Without getting into painful specifics, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when I graduate, I have two 10-pagers looming over my head, and everyone seems to want to bail out of commitments, leaving the rest of us to handle not only our own messes but theirs as well. Plus, Mother Nature decided to crap on us all day--it's okay though, I'm sure we deserve it. And I know I'm supposed to be grateful for the rain and the clouds and the misery, and normally I am (sometimes). But today I just wasn't having it.


Anywho, after using Glee as an attempt to try and shut out the disappointing world just to have it come knocking on my door to deal another low blow (that's right, it interrupted me but I said wait until the commercials before you continue to add to the crappiness), I decided to curl up with some quality Kurt Vonnegut and his A Man Without A Country. I have to be honest, I don't know as much about him as many other people do, but I DO know just after reading the first half of his novel that he's someone we could all learn from; plus, his book has given me some seriously good laughs over the past few days and particularly tonight. 


My saving grace today has been my boyfriend Chris who puts up with all this crap and has repeatedly, with sympathy but sternness, encouraged me to keep my head up and not give up on myself or others. Thus, the following passage by Vonnegut made me think of him but also of the general human capacity we all possess to keep each other going when all we wanna do is throw in the reigns...


"I turned eighty-two on November 11, 2004. What's it like to be old? I can't parallel park worth a damn anymore, so please don't watch while I try to do it. And gravity has become a lot less friendly and manageable than it used to be.


When you get to my age, if you get to my age, and if you have reproduced, you will find yourself asking your own children, who are themselves middle-aged, 'What is life all about?' I have seven kids, three of them orphaned nephews. 


I put my big question about life to my son the pediatrician. Dr. Vonnegut said this to his doddering old dad: 'Father, we are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.'"


And so we are once again reminded that the greatest gift we can give to another is just to be there, helping one another maintain at least a bit of our sanity. 


Together, we can get through this thing--whatever it is.

What People Say

"Found poems take existing texts and refashion them, reorder them, and present them as poems. The literary equivalent of a collage, found poetry is often made from newspaper articles, street signs, graffiti, speeches, letters, or even other poems." --From poets.org


With that said, the following is a found poem I created from two editions of People magazine. I wrote this for my Creative Writing class, but I enjoyed writing it and felt like sharing. There are a few additions and subtractions but for the most part, the material used comes straight from the magazines.  

What People Say

To be beautiful,

begin by outlining your

mouth with a lip pencil, then fill lips in with

creamy lipstick—Sultry Red Lips!

Sweep blush across cheeks for a

natural flush.

[Selena Gomez in a Bebe

cracked leather faux fur jacket, $259]

To be beautiful,

build hair body by spritzing

wet hair with a volumizer, then boost with

lifting spray—Soft Waves!

Amp up lashes with two coats of

mascara.

[Kristin Cavallari in a Funktional Mayan

draped sweater, $267]

To be beautiful,

apply gold shadow on the

lids to the browbone, then layer bronze shadow from

lashline to the crease—Golden Eyes!

Whiten teeth with

Crest white strips.

[Pippa Middleton in a Zara

double-breasted coat, $300]

If all else fails,

cover up and

wear a pair of sunglasses.

We Still Have a Choice

I am reading a book entitled The Recovery of Confidence by John W. Gardner. It's unorganized as all hell and some of his rhetorical strategies are ineffective and overused. But Gardner has some really powerful, beautifully articulated ideas here, and I feel compelled to share the first few pages of Chapter Eight, "We Still Have a Choice":  


     "If you ask someone to describe his idea of Utopia, the chances are he will outline a world that is at odds with everything we know about man and his institutions. He will ignore (or deal unrealistically with) the flaws in human nature that every society must cope with continuously. He will ignore the tendencies in human organization that will always imperil individuality. But his most important omission will be the element of moral striving. 
     Typically, his Utopia will be static. Perfection will have been achieved. And much that makes life alive will thereby have been eliminated. There is no seeking when you have already found; no problem-solving when you have the answers; no joy of the climb when you're sitting at the summit; no thrill of cultivation when it's always harvest time. Such perpetual success without effort, arrival without journeying, solution without trial and error would be inanimate--and insupportably dull. It is precisely that inanimate quality, the absence of any element of effort, that makes the conventional concept of "happiness" so bland, empty, and meaningless. 
     We are not at our best when the battle is won; we are strivers, at our best when the goal seems nearly unattainable. That is our nature. And it fits us well for the world in which we find ourselves. There are inescapable features of the human condition that guarantee the continued struggle.
     There are things in human nature that make static perfection unthinkable. For example, if we could today completely eliminate from the society all prejudice, all hostility, all tyrannizing of one man over another, it would begin to creep back tomorrow. And there are things in human organization that make static perfection impossible. If we could bring our society to a pitch of perfect vitality and creativity today, the processes of decaying would begin tomorrow. The tendencies of human organization rigidify, to exalt form over spirit, to stifle individual creativity, to resist innovation would reassert themselves--and it not countered would eventually triumph. 
     The truth is that we can look forward to no rest. We can seek and find; but what we find today will be taken for granted--or rejected--tomorrow. And the search will begin anew. We can prove the great theorems today, but new theorems will take their place. The moral insights of tomorrow will make today's striving seem primitive.
     That is living, and we are well fitted for it."

So Little Time: Thoughts from a Frustrated Mind

I returned from fall break less than 24 hours ago, so how in the world am I already just as stressed out as I was before break? I am beginning to realize that I am not Superwoman. I cannot accomplish everything and expect to still be standing at the end of the day. We all have to make choices; we all have to prioritize because something's gotta give.


Today I had to choose between finishing Shakespeare's Henry VI Part 3 for class or going to yoga. Now, I have not been to yoga in over two weeks because schoolwork and Aid to South Africa have been taking up all of my time. So I chose yoga, and the class was great! I felt so fulfilled the second I walked into the room; I knew I belonged there, in that peaceful, sacred space.


But my Zen was rudely interrupted when I had to go to class and failed my Shakespeare quiz. This frustrates me because it's not that I don't want to work hard--I do work hard. There just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I want to do. So the part that's especially difficult for me to accept in all of this is that whatever tasks fall from the top of my priorities list gets pushed to the side and I am unable to give them my full attention. I read as much of the play as I could, but I decided the rest of the time should be spent on bettering my mind and body.


Can anybody tell me: Why should I be punished for that?

Making Moves

I am finally starting to realize what it is that I want to pursue. Today, I have an interview with County Lines magazine for their editorial internship position next semester. It surprised me to hear back from them so quickly since I just applied Thursday evening, but I'm certainly not complaining. It was a relief to finally narrow down what it is that I am looking for and what direction I want to start moving in. I am excited by the idea of working with County Lines, and I do hope everything works out. If it doesn't work out with this particular magazine, though, that's perfectly okay--I refuse to be discouraged. I refuse to sit back and let my life be decided for me, and I am going to stay proactive and continue going after what it is I want until I get it.


Even if I am given an editorial internship position and decide editing/working with a magazine is not for me, the internship will still be a success. I just needed to make a decision and start moving in some direction so that I can figure out what is and isn't for me. There is no shame in working temporarily in a field that isn't a good fit for you. In fact, it's the best way for you to discover what IS for you.


I am feeling really good about all of this. You just gotta go for what you want and let it all play out. So here goes nothing!

The American Runner

I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more. 

--Tyler Durden, Fight Club

This whole moving at 90 MPH thing is getting old. Don't get me wrong--I do enjoy being busy. But when you have little to no time to yourself or to spend with your friends or to dabble in your hobbies, it's not so fun anymore.

I finally was able to meet up with my good friend Suzanne last night after not seeing her for about four months. She and I discussed how much it bothers us that we have to schedule each other in to our days...It's awful and frankly, I don't think life is meant to be this way.

So how is it meant to be? There is no white space left in my agenda book for weeks, and I hate it. Why do I do this to myself? How did things get this hectic? And more importantly, how do I change it all? I think this is the way a lot of Americans live their lives. The glorified idea of productivity is embedded in our culture; we thrive off of so-called productive days, and yet so may of us are unhappy, agitated, or simply feeling less than satisfied. 

It's so easy to catch this American Runner's Disease that has spread among our people. We sprint both mentally and physically from one task, one location to the next; the fast-paced lifestyle is no longer the exception but the rule. Is it not true that anything which doesn't go at lightning speed seems to piss us off? Slow drivers, slow service, the elderly....We have no tolerance for that which doesn't keep up with us, and we often don't see anything wrong with expressing our dissatisfaction. 

It's all rather unsettling....but I guess it all comes down to making choices and compromising. Perhaps we must all learn to choose what we "should" do a little less often and rule in favor of what we want and need a little more often. 

We and They

--By Rudyard Kipling

Father, Mother and Me
    Sister and Auntie say
All the people like us are We,
    And every one else is They.
And They live over the sea,
    While We live over the way,
But--would you believe it?--They look upon We
    As only a sort of They!

We eat pork and beef
    With cow-horn-handled knives.
They who gobble Their rice off a leaf,
    Are horrified out of Their lives;
And They who live up a tree,
    And feast on grubs and clay,
(Isn't it scandalous?) look upon We
    As a simply disgusting They!

We shoot birds with a gun.
    They stick lions with spears.
Their full-dress is un-.
    We dress up to Our ears.
They like Their friends for Tea.
    We like Our friends to stay;
And after all that, They look upon We
    As an utterly ignorant They!

We eat kitcheny food,
    We have doors that latch.
They drink milk or blood,
    Under an open thatch.
We have Doctors to fee.
    They have Wizards to pay.
And (impudent heathens!) They look upon We
    As a quite impossible They!

All good people agree,
    And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
    And every one else is They;
But if you cross over the sea,
    Instead of over the way,
You may end up (think of it!) looking on We
    As only a sort of They!