Due to the weekend forecast for the New York area regarding Hurricane Irene, I am no longer leaving on Saturday to return home and am instead leaving early tomorrow morning. So this is it! My (unexpectedly) final day in Costa Rica. It has been quite the journey, and I am forever grateful that I was given the opportunity to be here for these 6 weeks. Granted, it was significantly harder for me to live in another country than I had thought, even for such a relatively short time; I have many more attachments to my life in the states than I thought I did, and I therefore spent many a day homesick and culture shocked. But for the most part, I didn't let such feelings stop me from enjoying my time here. Plus, becoming aware of my attachments has part of the learning process we know to be life. It's just another part of my story, and it's been a beautiful one.
For every person (and place!) who made this trip as wonderful as it's been: my greatest appreciation to you for further opening my eyes to myself and to the world around me. I wouldn't be what I am today without having known you all, and I aspire to maintain the sense of adventurous risk you have helped to kindle within me. Finally, a special thanks to Janiva and Sol Education Abroad for designing such a personal, cultural study abroad experience!
Having said all this, I am SO looking forward to New York pizza, the English language, air conditioning, and insect-free sleeping accommodations to name only a few luxuries of our home country--United States of America, my home, sweet, home, HERE I COME!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Penny for Your Introspective Thoughts
This past weekend, four of us in our group visited La Fortuna, one of the more well-known tourist hot spots in Costa Rica known mostly for its recently active volcano. After making the 3 1/2 hour bus ride from Heredia to La Fortuna Saturday morning, we hiked to see las cataratas--the waterfalls--during the day and then spent the evening at Las Aguas Termales a Baldi, or Baldi Hot Springs. It was a fun-filled day and definitely worth the trip for the activities of Saturday alone.
As for Sunday, I had it in my head that I would sleep in as late as possible before we went zip lining with Ecoglide Canopy Tour Ziplining...but my body had another idea. Like clockwork, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. (the same time I have woken up every day for class for the past 5 weeks) and was as alert as could be. I decided not to fight what my body clearly wanted, so I got up, took a shower, had breakfast, and sat down to some journaling. Last weekend in Punta Mona, our director, Janiva, had given us several journal questions to answer when we felt the time was right. With 3 hours of free time, I decided to revisit the prompts and see what I could come up with. Of the several reflective questions, including "What do I really want to get out of life?" and "What are some of my lifetime goals?", I was able to come up with sufficient and satisfying responses to all of the questions--except one. With nearly every inquiry, I needed a mere 5-10 minutes to reflect and then I would come to an answer that felt right. But in my journal filled with abundant notation, there is still only blank, white space beneath these words (and in my brain): "What can I offer the world that no one else can?"
Indeed, as I grow older and see more of our world I am humbled with the realization that there is really so much out there--so much love, hope, and faith but perhaps just as much death, helplessness, and despair. My former well-meaning but naive mentality that I could cure world hunger or help create world peace has therefore been checked, as I take a step back to survey the vast universal damage my hands alone cannot fix. I have also realized how many incredible, inspiring people there are who are the movers and shakers of humanity, actively working to help this world reach its fullest potential. So when it comes to the unanswered question above, I am presently at a loss. I enjoy serving others, but there is so much to do; I can be passionate and determined, but so can a lot of other people; I can contribute my writing, but is my writing good enough?
I do believe that each of us has a unique role to play and an impressive amount of unrealized potential only found if one is open to it, and I believe that I possess something special to offer the world...but I have yet to fully discover or embrace what that something special is. As I continue to reflect on this inquiry, then, I now pose the same query to you:
What can YOU offer the world that no one else can?
I'd say it's a question worth exploring.
As for Sunday, I had it in my head that I would sleep in as late as possible before we went zip lining with Ecoglide Canopy Tour Ziplining...but my body had another idea. Like clockwork, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. (the same time I have woken up every day for class for the past 5 weeks) and was as alert as could be. I decided not to fight what my body clearly wanted, so I got up, took a shower, had breakfast, and sat down to some journaling. Last weekend in Punta Mona, our director, Janiva, had given us several journal questions to answer when we felt the time was right. With 3 hours of free time, I decided to revisit the prompts and see what I could come up with. Of the several reflective questions, including "What do I really want to get out of life?" and "What are some of my lifetime goals?", I was able to come up with sufficient and satisfying responses to all of the questions--except one. With nearly every inquiry, I needed a mere 5-10 minutes to reflect and then I would come to an answer that felt right. But in my journal filled with abundant notation, there is still only blank, white space beneath these words (and in my brain): "What can I offer the world that no one else can?"
Indeed, as I grow older and see more of our world I am humbled with the realization that there is really so much out there--so much love, hope, and faith but perhaps just as much death, helplessness, and despair. My former well-meaning but naive mentality that I could cure world hunger or help create world peace has therefore been checked, as I take a step back to survey the vast universal damage my hands alone cannot fix. I have also realized how many incredible, inspiring people there are who are the movers and shakers of humanity, actively working to help this world reach its fullest potential. So when it comes to the unanswered question above, I am presently at a loss. I enjoy serving others, but there is so much to do; I can be passionate and determined, but so can a lot of other people; I can contribute my writing, but is my writing good enough?
I do believe that each of us has a unique role to play and an impressive amount of unrealized potential only found if one is open to it, and I believe that I possess something special to offer the world...but I have yet to fully discover or embrace what that something special is. As I continue to reflect on this inquiry, then, I now pose the same query to you:
What can YOU offer the world that no one else can?
I'd say it's a question worth exploring.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The View from Here
I have 9 more days here in Costa Rica, and I can't help but think of home. I want to keep my energy and attention focused on the present moment, but at the same time I can't seem to contain my excitement about returning home to all of the people and places I know and love. And to be honest, I don't really want to contain my excitement. I have never been so appreciative of the familiar, and although I have learned a great deal of invaluable lessons during my time here, I think the most important lesson I am taking away is how precious my life in the states is. I'm not saying that I think the United States or my life are perfect; I haven't been so jaded by my travels to do a 360 in political opinion or to forget those parts of my life that I find not so favorable.
Nonetheless, maintaining a certain distance from anything can cause your vision to become clearer than the blurry mess it may have previously been. Therefore, in a little over week I will board Delta flight #414 knowing that in just a few short hours, I will be returning to a beautiful life with irreplaceable friends and family, a boyfriend with whom I share a precious and thrilling love, and two places I can fondly call my home; I will proudly continue in the process of obtaining an education that will (hopefully) afford me many opportunities in the future, and I will have the honor of doing all of this in a country that, due to the tenacity of its many forward-thinking citizens, constantly strives to improve itself through freedom and democracy.
Of course, none of this means that I am going to allow myself to become a hermit and withdraw into my little Long Island/West Chester life; the reason I have arrived at this point in my thinking is that I pushed myself to go beyond the boundaries of comfort. I therefore intend to push those borders even further so that I never close myself off to the greater world of experience, opportunity, thought, and belief. Exactly what I will do to remain accessible mentally and emotionally (a.e. continue traveling internationally) has yet to be determined, but I will remember and weigh heavily all that I have learned and continue to learn during my time abroad...and when August 27 arrives with me in tow, I will happily kiss the ground upon setting foot on U.S. soil.
Nonetheless, maintaining a certain distance from anything can cause your vision to become clearer than the blurry mess it may have previously been. Therefore, in a little over week I will board Delta flight #414 knowing that in just a few short hours, I will be returning to a beautiful life with irreplaceable friends and family, a boyfriend with whom I share a precious and thrilling love, and two places I can fondly call my home; I will proudly continue in the process of obtaining an education that will (hopefully) afford me many opportunities in the future, and I will have the honor of doing all of this in a country that, due to the tenacity of its many forward-thinking citizens, constantly strives to improve itself through freedom and democracy.
Of course, none of this means that I am going to allow myself to become a hermit and withdraw into my little Long Island/West Chester life; the reason I have arrived at this point in my thinking is that I pushed myself to go beyond the boundaries of comfort. I therefore intend to push those borders even further so that I never close myself off to the greater world of experience, opportunity, thought, and belief. Exactly what I will do to remain accessible mentally and emotionally (a.e. continue traveling internationally) has yet to be determined, but I will remember and weigh heavily all that I have learned and continue to learn during my time abroad...and when August 27 arrives with me in tow, I will happily kiss the ground upon setting foot on U.S. soil.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Canción de Otoño
Ericka and I learned this song--Canción de Otoño by Jose Luis Perales-- today in our Civilization and Culture of Latin America class (we are the only two people in the class). I enjoyed listening to it and it was pretty much the highlight of my relatively uneventful day, minus the fact that I finished souvenir shopping for some folks back home. I am therefore ending the day with some quality tune-age and a sense of accomplishment. Enjoy=)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2wX7saNsLE
These are the lyrics. I looked for them in English but no go, so Español it is!
http://www.musica.com/letras.asp?letra=1127672
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2wX7saNsLE
These are the lyrics. I looked for them in English but no go, so Español it is!
http://www.musica.com/letras.asp?letra=1127672
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Issy and the Toucan Rescue Ranch
I wouldn't normally post another message so quickly after the last one, but I am currently bursting at the seams to share with everyone what happened today!!
For those of you who have seen the e-mails I sent out before I started this blog, you may remember that I visited the Toucan Rescue Ranch in San Isidro, Costa Rica a few weeks ago to see the over 30 species of birds and 6 mammals that were rescued by the owners of the ranch, Leslie Howle and Jorge Murillo. Now, I am often especially skeptical of places that claim to benefit animals because we too often find that the owners are actually mistreating and exploiting the animals for their own profit. So when I arrived at the ranch the first time, I was pretty skeptical. I soon realized, though, that the Toucan Rescue Ranch was run by two people whose hearts are truly in the right place. As I walked around the couples' property and heard the stories of how their many toucans, owls, and sloths as well as their hawk, porcupine, kinkajou, and monkey arrived at the ranch (some were hit by cars, others were captured by abusers and chained to fences, and others were shot), I was amazed by the time, dedication, and love Leslie and Jorge devote to their animals. And when I found out they are barely able to make ends meet every month due mostly to the fact that they run the entire place on their own with no financial support from the government, I knew I wanted to help them fundraise when I get back to the states.
This led my friend Ericka and me to revisit the ranch to find out more information about it so that we could help raise the funds. We enjoyed being there with the couple and their animals so much that we decided to go back today to help them feed the animals. While there, the couple let Issy the spider monkey out of her cage so that Ericka and I could feed her. Issy was so timid at first that she grabbed the fruit and would run back to her cage, looking curiously at us but still keeping her distance. After a few minutes, Issy walked over to Jorge and sat on his lap while eating her papaya. At this point I was thinking, wow, what an incredible bond they have; if only she trusted me that much to sit with me, it would truly be something special...Now, if I didn't already believe in the power of positive thinking, this would be the turn around for me because as soon as I thought that, Issy left Jorge's lap, walked over to me, and hugged me! She wrapped her tail around my waist and clung to me before settling into my lap. All of us were dumbfounded; Jorge's jaw just about hit the floor, as he had already explained to us no one ever gets this close to Issy let alone has her voluntarily climbing all over them!
Issy sat clinging to me (and pulling down my shirt...awkward) for a good 10 minutes before she decided to go steal a slice of papaya from the porcupine's cage and play in the rain puddles. But let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had in my life. I'll never forget the feeling of her little body cuddled close to mine as she looked up at me and touched my face with her hands. This all may sound embellished, but I'm speaking honestly; it moved me and I feel so blessed that Issy would trust in me enough to allow me to share that moment with her.
On the cab ride back to Heredia, I tried to push away the thoughts that were now creeping into my head; but they persisted: What if Leslie and Jorge hadn't saved Issy? What if Rescue and Wildlife had never went into the backyard of Issy's abuser to take her away from the tree she was chained to? The truth is that Issy would be dead and I would have never had that once in a lifetime experience with this beautiful, loving spider monkey.
From the bottom of my heart, Leslie and Jorge, I thank you for all of the beautiful work you do, and I am going to do my best to help your ranch continue. We need more people like you who make such a positive impact in our world in a unique, loving way.
For more information on the Toucan Rescue Ranch, go to http://www.toucanrescueranch.com/. And if anyone would like to donate money to the ranch or help me raise money for the ranch, please let me know! Issy and the more than 100 other animals at the ranch will have you to thank when they can continue to have a place that allows them to not only survive, but a place they can also call home.
For those of you who have seen the e-mails I sent out before I started this blog, you may remember that I visited the Toucan Rescue Ranch in San Isidro, Costa Rica a few weeks ago to see the over 30 species of birds and 6 mammals that were rescued by the owners of the ranch, Leslie Howle and Jorge Murillo. Now, I am often especially skeptical of places that claim to benefit animals because we too often find that the owners are actually mistreating and exploiting the animals for their own profit. So when I arrived at the ranch the first time, I was pretty skeptical. I soon realized, though, that the Toucan Rescue Ranch was run by two people whose hearts are truly in the right place. As I walked around the couples' property and heard the stories of how their many toucans, owls, and sloths as well as their hawk, porcupine, kinkajou, and monkey arrived at the ranch (some were hit by cars, others were captured by abusers and chained to fences, and others were shot), I was amazed by the time, dedication, and love Leslie and Jorge devote to their animals. And when I found out they are barely able to make ends meet every month due mostly to the fact that they run the entire place on their own with no financial support from the government, I knew I wanted to help them fundraise when I get back to the states.
This led my friend Ericka and me to revisit the ranch to find out more information about it so that we could help raise the funds. We enjoyed being there with the couple and their animals so much that we decided to go back today to help them feed the animals. While there, the couple let Issy the spider monkey out of her cage so that Ericka and I could feed her. Issy was so timid at first that she grabbed the fruit and would run back to her cage, looking curiously at us but still keeping her distance. After a few minutes, Issy walked over to Jorge and sat on his lap while eating her papaya. At this point I was thinking, wow, what an incredible bond they have; if only she trusted me that much to sit with me, it would truly be something special...Now, if I didn't already believe in the power of positive thinking, this would be the turn around for me because as soon as I thought that, Issy left Jorge's lap, walked over to me, and hugged me! She wrapped her tail around my waist and clung to me before settling into my lap. All of us were dumbfounded; Jorge's jaw just about hit the floor, as he had already explained to us no one ever gets this close to Issy let alone has her voluntarily climbing all over them!
Issy sat clinging to me (and pulling down my shirt...awkward) for a good 10 minutes before she decided to go steal a slice of papaya from the porcupine's cage and play in the rain puddles. But let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had in my life. I'll never forget the feeling of her little body cuddled close to mine as she looked up at me and touched my face with her hands. This all may sound embellished, but I'm speaking honestly; it moved me and I feel so blessed that Issy would trust in me enough to allow me to share that moment with her.
From the bottom of my heart, Leslie and Jorge, I thank you for all of the beautiful work you do, and I am going to do my best to help your ranch continue. We need more people like you who make such a positive impact in our world in a unique, loving way.
For more information on the Toucan Rescue Ranch, go to http://www.toucanrescueranch.com/. And if anyone would like to donate money to the ranch or help me raise money for the ranch, please let me know! Issy and the more than 100 other animals at the ranch will have you to thank when they can continue to have a place that allows them to not only survive, but a place they can also call home.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Punta Mona: Una Paraiso Selva (A Jungle Paradise)
Well, the past few days have been an incredible shift from what I was experiencing when I posted my last blog. I've been trying to think of a way to describe this weekend, and I keep coming back to one word: magical. Last weekend the majority of students in our Sol Education Abroad group left, so we are now down to an intimate and friendly group of 8 as compared to the original 30 or so people. And with those 7 wonderful individuals, I had the privilege of spending the past 2 1/2 days eating countless tropical fruit right off the trees, observing wild monos congos (Howler monkeys) in their natural habitat, learning about the beauty of permaculture & sustainable living, meeting local Costa Rican natives, snorkeling, kayaking, and watching the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean. Intense, right? It definitely was but in only the best possible way.
Punta Mona, an 85 acre off the grid, family owned environmental education center, botanical collection, permaculture farm and eco-lodge, is a place unlike any other. Given that it is located in the middle of the jungle, there are only 2 ways to get there: a "ferry" (or a very small boat that probably should not have tried to fit the 8 of us plus our director and the person driving the boat on it) or a 2-hour hike through the rain forest. We opted for the ferry (so unadventurous of us, I know) and when we arrived in Punta Mona, we were greeted by Fabian and Sylvia, who run the education center, and Miguel, one of the local Natives. From there, we settled into the rustic but welcoming lodge complete with solar powered electricity, mosquito nets, and bordered by an abundance of tropical fruit trees, vegetables, herbs, and medicinal plants on every side.
I had been looking forward to this excursion since our director, Janiva, first told us about it approx. 3 weeks ago. When Janiva realized we had today off from school for the national holiday of Mother's Day here in Costa Rica, she knew exactly the place to take us for the long weekend. And boy, was she dead on. I couldn't--and still can't--believe a place like Punta Mona really exists. I was in complete awe all weekend as we participated in calming yoga classes, ate organically at every meal, and enjoyed the natural solitude Punta Monta so graciously offers.
Besides Fabian, Sylvia, and Miguel, there were two others who helped make our stay all the more beautiful: they were Saskia and Kamilo, friends of Fabian and Sylvia who were helping out at the lodge for the weekend. Our group was the only one at Punta Mona for the long weekend, which gave us the opportunity to have a more personal experience at the lodge (although the lodge is pretty small to begin with, so I'm sure it is almost always a personal experience since Punta Mona can only accommodate a certain number of people at once).
From left to right: Fabian, Saskia, Kamilo, Sylvia, and Janiva
Perhaps the most incredible experience overall for me (which is exceptionally difficult to judge since the entire weekend was extraordinary) was the conversations I had with the others. We talked about as much as the weekend would afford us, including traveling, our lifelong goals, thoughts about humanity's unpromised future, and our favorite books/movies. I sincerely enjoyed the company of each and every person I spent my time with, and I felt a strong connection with all of them as we passed the time together in a place that not many people have had the privilege of seeing.
This weekend was just what I needed. I feel refreshed and am eager to see what's in store for my future. At the same time, though, Punta Mona has many secrets to share with its visitors, one of which is this: Live in the moment. Stop fretting about the future, because it's not here yet. The only time and day that is guaranteed is the precious one you are holding in the palm of your hand right now. Don't let it slip through your fingers, unappreciated, unnoticed, because you can't get it back.
Punta Mona, an 85 acre off the grid, family owned environmental education center, botanical collection, permaculture farm and eco-lodge, is a place unlike any other. Given that it is located in the middle of the jungle, there are only 2 ways to get there: a "ferry" (or a very small boat that probably should not have tried to fit the 8 of us plus our director and the person driving the boat on it) or a 2-hour hike through the rain forest. We opted for the ferry (so unadventurous of us, I know) and when we arrived in Punta Mona, we were greeted by Fabian and Sylvia, who run the education center, and Miguel, one of the local Natives. From there, we settled into the rustic but welcoming lodge complete with solar powered electricity, mosquito nets, and bordered by an abundance of tropical fruit trees, vegetables, herbs, and medicinal plants on every side.
I had been looking forward to this excursion since our director, Janiva, first told us about it approx. 3 weeks ago. When Janiva realized we had today off from school for the national holiday of Mother's Day here in Costa Rica, she knew exactly the place to take us for the long weekend. And boy, was she dead on. I couldn't--and still can't--believe a place like Punta Mona really exists. I was in complete awe all weekend as we participated in calming yoga classes, ate organically at every meal, and enjoyed the natural solitude Punta Monta so graciously offers.
Besides Fabian, Sylvia, and Miguel, there were two others who helped make our stay all the more beautiful: they were Saskia and Kamilo, friends of Fabian and Sylvia who were helping out at the lodge for the weekend. Our group was the only one at Punta Mona for the long weekend, which gave us the opportunity to have a more personal experience at the lodge (although the lodge is pretty small to begin with, so I'm sure it is almost always a personal experience since Punta Mona can only accommodate a certain number of people at once).
Perhaps the most incredible experience overall for me (which is exceptionally difficult to judge since the entire weekend was extraordinary) was the conversations I had with the others. We talked about as much as the weekend would afford us, including traveling, our lifelong goals, thoughts about humanity's unpromised future, and our favorite books/movies. I sincerely enjoyed the company of each and every person I spent my time with, and I felt a strong connection with all of them as we passed the time together in a place that not many people have had the privilege of seeing.
This weekend was just what I needed. I feel refreshed and am eager to see what's in store for my future. At the same time, though, Punta Mona has many secrets to share with its visitors, one of which is this: Live in the moment. Stop fretting about the future, because it's not here yet. The only time and day that is guaranteed is the precious one you are holding in the palm of your hand right now. Don't let it slip through your fingers, unappreciated, unnoticed, because you can't get it back.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Uncertain Times
"Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it."
-George Carlin
It's the end of week 4 and much to my astonishment, feelings of homesickness for the U.S. are starting to set in. I'm surprised because not only do I enjoy traveling and the discovery that comes with it, but more importantly, as you may know, I am oftentimes...lacking in love for the United States, if you will. I take up issue with our materialism, cell phone addictions, workaholism, our need for productivity to feel a sense of worth, and the sheltering bubble too many of us live in and are contented with. I could go on, but I'll stop there because my intention for this blog is not to present a list of grievances.
On the contrary, I find myself uncomfortably attached to my life in the states. I'm trying to just take in all that I'm feeling without judgment but to be honest, I'm disappointed that I'm struggling so much with my time abroad. I would love to be able to say I feel free and ready to conquer the world with no looking back. But instead I'm confused and wondering what this means for my future. Am I not fit for a life abroad like I thought I was? Will my attachments send me running home and away from what I thought I wanted? Or will I awaken in a few days with a newfound sense of security and adventure, open to any and all opportunities ahead? These feelings of uncertainty have the ability and power to drive a person loco (and we all know I've been off my rocker for awhile, so it'll be interesting to see what's in store for me!).
Anyway, I've got nothing but questions at the moment and the hope that all will be made clear in due time. Until then, I will breathe deeply and take in everything as it comes.
-George Carlin
It's the end of week 4 and much to my astonishment, feelings of homesickness for the U.S. are starting to set in. I'm surprised because not only do I enjoy traveling and the discovery that comes with it, but more importantly, as you may know, I am oftentimes...lacking in love for the United States, if you will. I take up issue with our materialism, cell phone addictions, workaholism, our need for productivity to feel a sense of worth, and the sheltering bubble too many of us live in and are contented with. I could go on, but I'll stop there because my intention for this blog is not to present a list of grievances.
On the contrary, I find myself uncomfortably attached to my life in the states. I'm trying to just take in all that I'm feeling without judgment but to be honest, I'm disappointed that I'm struggling so much with my time abroad. I would love to be able to say I feel free and ready to conquer the world with no looking back. But instead I'm confused and wondering what this means for my future. Am I not fit for a life abroad like I thought I was? Will my attachments send me running home and away from what I thought I wanted? Or will I awaken in a few days with a newfound sense of security and adventure, open to any and all opportunities ahead? These feelings of uncertainty have the ability and power to drive a person loco (and we all know I've been off my rocker for awhile, so it'll be interesting to see what's in store for me!).
Anyway, I've got nothing but questions at the moment and the hope that all will be made clear in due time. Until then, I will breathe deeply and take in everything as it comes.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
We've All Gotta Start Somewhere
Right now, I am living in Heredia, Costa Rica with a Tico (Costa Rican) family. I have been here for 24 lovely, challenging, awful, and beautiful days, and I have 18 more days of adventure left. (Yes, for those of you who are wondering: it took me longer than it should have to do that math. I am, by true nature, a woman of words, not numbers). So why am I making this blog more than halfway through my trip? Simply stated, because I need it. For one reason or another, I have a tendency to ignore the interminable desire I feel within to write, which may calm from time to time whenever I inscribe snippets via e-mail or snail mail but never does it cease.
It may seem like a strange time to create this blog but in reality, it's the perfect time for me. I am entering a stage of my life where I am trying to more actively nourish those parts of me I have in the past neglected--a fault I believe I share with the vast majority of humanity, save self-actualized beings such as the Dalai Lama and...well yeah, he's the only one I can think of at the moment that's got it down well enough to sit perched upon Maslow's Hierachy, softly chuckling to himself about how time after time, I falter on my way up the slippery slope of self-discovery. Regardless, it's time I honor the words that have until now been tucked tightly away behind the--sad to say--closed door of my thoughts and emotions.
I won't try and summarize what activities I have engaged in over the past 3 weeks because that wouldn't do justice to the people I've met, places I've seen, and thoughts I have considered. Instead, I will simply say what I am feeling now and if in future posts thoughts of my time here happen to creep into my writing, I hope to give them the time and space they deserve in my explanations.
So then where do I stand right now? How do I begin releasing the mixed up thoughts that have been discretely yet sufficiently tormenting me since I chose to let them fester instead of putting them out there, to you, Dear Void? Well, as I sit here in my tropically decorated front yard (courtesy of Mother Nature; she does great work, you should look her up) admiring my precious, freshly painted home away from home here in El Residencial del Rio, I gaze up at the foreboding mid-afternoon clouds, lying in wait for them to share their rainwater. The truth is, I came to Costa Rica in hopes that I would find clarity, but I have never before been more bombarded with questions. Do I want to live abroad, or in my own country? What should I do when I graduate? How do I know what's right for me, and what isn't? And more importantly...how does this toilet work?
Okay, sorry, I digress with the last part; and really it was the shower that gave me more difficulty (although I can't seem to get it in my head that the toilet paper must go in the trash bin, not the toilet). Anyway, there's a lot more where that came from but I'll spare you the laundry list of uncertainty. It's way too much to think about at once...No wonder my head is spinning.
But where do I find my solace, then? In the fact that little by little, I am creating a life for myself that I can be proud of. Little by little, I am making my self and my life better. Even creating this blog when I knew it would be good for me was a step in the right direction. The term "baby steps" is one that sometimes makes me want to roll my eyes, but when I stop being so cynical, I remember the worn-out yet nonetheless wise words of Confucius:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
This is my next step.
It may seem like a strange time to create this blog but in reality, it's the perfect time for me. I am entering a stage of my life where I am trying to more actively nourish those parts of me I have in the past neglected--a fault I believe I share with the vast majority of humanity, save self-actualized beings such as the Dalai Lama and...well yeah, he's the only one I can think of at the moment that's got it down well enough to sit perched upon Maslow's Hierachy, softly chuckling to himself about how time after time, I falter on my way up the slippery slope of self-discovery. Regardless, it's time I honor the words that have until now been tucked tightly away behind the--sad to say--closed door of my thoughts and emotions.
I won't try and summarize what activities I have engaged in over the past 3 weeks because that wouldn't do justice to the people I've met, places I've seen, and thoughts I have considered. Instead, I will simply say what I am feeling now and if in future posts thoughts of my time here happen to creep into my writing, I hope to give them the time and space they deserve in my explanations.
So then where do I stand right now? How do I begin releasing the mixed up thoughts that have been discretely yet sufficiently tormenting me since I chose to let them fester instead of putting them out there, to you, Dear Void? Well, as I sit here in my tropically decorated front yard (courtesy of Mother Nature; she does great work, you should look her up) admiring my precious, freshly painted home away from home here in El Residencial del Rio, I gaze up at the foreboding mid-afternoon clouds, lying in wait for them to share their rainwater. The truth is, I came to Costa Rica in hopes that I would find clarity, but I have never before been more bombarded with questions. Do I want to live abroad, or in my own country? What should I do when I graduate? How do I know what's right for me, and what isn't? And more importantly...how does this toilet work?
Okay, sorry, I digress with the last part; and really it was the shower that gave me more difficulty (although I can't seem to get it in my head that the toilet paper must go in the trash bin, not the toilet). Anyway, there's a lot more where that came from but I'll spare you the laundry list of uncertainty. It's way too much to think about at once...No wonder my head is spinning.
But where do I find my solace, then? In the fact that little by little, I am creating a life for myself that I can be proud of. Little by little, I am making my self and my life better. Even creating this blog when I knew it would be good for me was a step in the right direction. The term "baby steps" is one that sometimes makes me want to roll my eyes, but when I stop being so cynical, I remember the worn-out yet nonetheless wise words of Confucius:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
This is my next step.
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