Today has been a crappy day, a real crappy day. Without getting into painful specifics, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when I graduate, I have two 10-pagers looming over my head, and everyone seems to want to bail out of commitments, leaving the rest of us to handle not only our own messes but theirs as well. Plus, Mother Nature decided to crap on us all day--it's okay though, I'm sure we deserve it. And I know I'm supposed to be grateful for the rain and the clouds and the misery, and normally I am (sometimes). But today I just wasn't having it.
Anywho, after using Glee as an attempt to try and shut out the disappointing world just to have it come knocking on my door to deal another low blow (that's right, it interrupted me but I said wait until the commercials before you continue to add to the crappiness), I decided to curl up with some quality Kurt Vonnegut and his A Man Without A Country. I have to be honest, I don't know as much about him as many other people do, but I DO know just after reading the first half of his novel that he's someone we could all learn from; plus, his book has given me some seriously good laughs over the past few days and particularly tonight.
My saving grace today has been my boyfriend Chris who puts up with all this crap and has repeatedly, with sympathy but sternness, encouraged me to keep my head up and not give up on myself or others. Thus, the following passage by Vonnegut made me think of him but also of the general human capacity we all possess to keep each other going when all we wanna do is throw in the reigns...
"I turned eighty-two on November 11, 2004. What's it like to be old? I can't parallel park worth a damn anymore, so please don't watch while I try to do it. And gravity has become a lot less friendly and manageable than it used to be.
When you get to my age, if you get to my age, and if you have reproduced, you will find yourself asking your own children, who are themselves middle-aged, 'What is life all about?' I have seven kids, three of them orphaned nephews.
I put my big question about life to my son the pediatrician. Dr. Vonnegut said this to his doddering old dad: 'Father, we are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.'"
And so we are once again reminded that the greatest gift we can give to another is just to be there, helping one another maintain at least a bit of our sanity.
Together, we can get through this thing--whatever it is.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
What People Say
"Found poems take existing texts and refashion them, reorder them, and present them as poems. The literary equivalent of a collage, found poetry is often made from newspaper articles, street signs, graffiti, speeches, letters, or even other poems." --From poets.org
With that said, the following is a found poem I created from two editions of People magazine. I wrote this for my Creative Writing class, but I enjoyed writing it and felt like sharing. There are a few additions and subtractions but for the most part, the material used comes straight from the magazines.
With that said, the following is a found poem I created from two editions of People magazine. I wrote this for my Creative Writing class, but I enjoyed writing it and felt like sharing. There are a few additions and subtractions but for the most part, the material used comes straight from the magazines.
What People Say
To be beautiful,
begin by outlining your
mouth with a lip pencil, then fill lips in with
creamy lipstick—Sultry Red Lips!
Sweep blush across cheeks for a
natural flush.
[Selena Gomez in a Bebe
cracked leather faux fur jacket, $259]
To be beautiful,
build hair body by spritzing
wet hair with a volumizer, then boost with
lifting spray—Soft Waves!
Amp up lashes with two coats of
mascara.
[Kristin Cavallari in a Funktional Mayan
draped sweater, $267]
To be beautiful,
apply gold shadow on the
lids to the browbone, then layer bronze shadow from
lashline to the crease—Golden Eyes!
Whiten teeth with
Crest white strips.
[Pippa Middleton in a Zara
double-breasted coat, $300]
If all else fails,
cover up and
wear a pair of sunglasses.
Monday, October 24, 2011
We Still Have a Choice
I am reading a book entitled The Recovery of Confidence by John W. Gardner. It's unorganized as all hell and some of his rhetorical strategies are ineffective and overused. But Gardner has some really powerful, beautifully articulated ideas here, and I feel compelled to share the first few pages of Chapter Eight, "We Still Have a Choice":
"If you ask someone to describe his idea of Utopia, the chances are he will outline a world that is at odds with everything we know about man and his institutions. He will ignore (or deal unrealistically with) the flaws in human nature that every society must cope with continuously. He will ignore the tendencies in human organization that will always imperil individuality. But his most important omission will be the element of moral striving.
Typically, his Utopia will be static. Perfection will have been achieved. And much that makes life alive will thereby have been eliminated. There is no seeking when you have already found; no problem-solving when you have the answers; no joy of the climb when you're sitting at the summit; no thrill of cultivation when it's always harvest time. Such perpetual success without effort, arrival without journeying, solution without trial and error would be inanimate--and insupportably dull. It is precisely that inanimate quality, the absence of any element of effort, that makes the conventional concept of "happiness" so bland, empty, and meaningless.
We are not at our best when the battle is won; we are strivers, at our best when the goal seems nearly unattainable. That is our nature. And it fits us well for the world in which we find ourselves. There are inescapable features of the human condition that guarantee the continued struggle.
There are things in human nature that make static perfection unthinkable. For example, if we could today completely eliminate from the society all prejudice, all hostility, all tyrannizing of one man over another, it would begin to creep back tomorrow. And there are things in human organization that make static perfection impossible. If we could bring our society to a pitch of perfect vitality and creativity today, the processes of decaying would begin tomorrow. The tendencies of human organization rigidify, to exalt form over spirit, to stifle individual creativity, to resist innovation would reassert themselves--and it not countered would eventually triumph.
The truth is that we can look forward to no rest. We can seek and find; but what we find today will be taken for granted--or rejected--tomorrow. And the search will begin anew. We can prove the great theorems today, but new theorems will take their place. The moral insights of tomorrow will make today's striving seem primitive.
That is living, and we are well fitted for it."
"If you ask someone to describe his idea of Utopia, the chances are he will outline a world that is at odds with everything we know about man and his institutions. He will ignore (or deal unrealistically with) the flaws in human nature that every society must cope with continuously. He will ignore the tendencies in human organization that will always imperil individuality. But his most important omission will be the element of moral striving.
Typically, his Utopia will be static. Perfection will have been achieved. And much that makes life alive will thereby have been eliminated. There is no seeking when you have already found; no problem-solving when you have the answers; no joy of the climb when you're sitting at the summit; no thrill of cultivation when it's always harvest time. Such perpetual success without effort, arrival without journeying, solution without trial and error would be inanimate--and insupportably dull. It is precisely that inanimate quality, the absence of any element of effort, that makes the conventional concept of "happiness" so bland, empty, and meaningless.
We are not at our best when the battle is won; we are strivers, at our best when the goal seems nearly unattainable. That is our nature. And it fits us well for the world in which we find ourselves. There are inescapable features of the human condition that guarantee the continued struggle.
There are things in human nature that make static perfection unthinkable. For example, if we could today completely eliminate from the society all prejudice, all hostility, all tyrannizing of one man over another, it would begin to creep back tomorrow. And there are things in human organization that make static perfection impossible. If we could bring our society to a pitch of perfect vitality and creativity today, the processes of decaying would begin tomorrow. The tendencies of human organization rigidify, to exalt form over spirit, to stifle individual creativity, to resist innovation would reassert themselves--and it not countered would eventually triumph.
The truth is that we can look forward to no rest. We can seek and find; but what we find today will be taken for granted--or rejected--tomorrow. And the search will begin anew. We can prove the great theorems today, but new theorems will take their place. The moral insights of tomorrow will make today's striving seem primitive.
That is living, and we are well fitted for it."
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
So Little Time: Thoughts from a Frustrated Mind
I returned from fall break less than 24 hours ago, so how in the world am I already just as stressed out as I was before break? I am beginning to realize that I am not Superwoman. I cannot accomplish everything and expect to still be standing at the end of the day. We all have to make choices; we all have to prioritize because something's gotta give.
Today I had to choose between finishing Shakespeare's Henry VI Part 3 for class or going to yoga. Now, I have not been to yoga in over two weeks because schoolwork and Aid to South Africa have been taking up all of my time. So I chose yoga, and the class was great! I felt so fulfilled the second I walked into the room; I knew I belonged there, in that peaceful, sacred space.
But my Zen was rudely interrupted when I had to go to class and failed my Shakespeare quiz. This frustrates me because it's not that I don't want to work hard--I do work hard. There just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I want to do. So the part that's especially difficult for me to accept in all of this is that whatever tasks fall from the top of my priorities list gets pushed to the side and I am unable to give them my full attention. I read as much of the play as I could, but I decided the rest of the time should be spent on bettering my mind and body.
Can anybody tell me: Why should I be punished for that?
Today I had to choose between finishing Shakespeare's Henry VI Part 3 for class or going to yoga. Now, I have not been to yoga in over two weeks because schoolwork and Aid to South Africa have been taking up all of my time. So I chose yoga, and the class was great! I felt so fulfilled the second I walked into the room; I knew I belonged there, in that peaceful, sacred space.
But my Zen was rudely interrupted when I had to go to class and failed my Shakespeare quiz. This frustrates me because it's not that I don't want to work hard--I do work hard. There just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I want to do. So the part that's especially difficult for me to accept in all of this is that whatever tasks fall from the top of my priorities list gets pushed to the side and I am unable to give them my full attention. I read as much of the play as I could, but I decided the rest of the time should be spent on bettering my mind and body.
Can anybody tell me: Why should I be punished for that?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Making Moves
I am finally starting to realize what it is that I want to pursue. Today, I have an interview with County Lines magazine for their editorial internship position next semester. It surprised me to hear back from them so quickly since I just applied Thursday evening, but I'm certainly not complaining. It was a relief to finally narrow down what it is that I am looking for and what direction I want to start moving in. I am excited by the idea of working with County Lines, and I do hope everything works out. If it doesn't work out with this particular magazine, though, that's perfectly okay--I refuse to be discouraged. I refuse to sit back and let my life be decided for me, and I am going to stay proactive and continue going after what it is I want until I get it.
Even if I am given an editorial internship position and decide editing/working with a magazine is not for me, the internship will still be a success. I just needed to make a decision and start moving in some direction so that I can figure out what is and isn't for me. There is no shame in working temporarily in a field that isn't a good fit for you. In fact, it's the best way for you to discover what IS for you.
I am feeling really good about all of this. You just gotta go for what you want and let it all play out. So here goes nothing!
Even if I am given an editorial internship position and decide editing/working with a magazine is not for me, the internship will still be a success. I just needed to make a decision and start moving in some direction so that I can figure out what is and isn't for me. There is no shame in working temporarily in a field that isn't a good fit for you. In fact, it's the best way for you to discover what IS for you.
I am feeling really good about all of this. You just gotta go for what you want and let it all play out. So here goes nothing!
Friday, September 23, 2011
The American Runner
I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.
--Tyler Durden, Fight Club
This whole moving at 90 MPH thing is getting old. Don't get me wrong--I do enjoy being busy. But when you have little to no time to yourself or to spend with your friends or to dabble in your hobbies, it's not so fun anymore.
I finally was able to meet up with my good friend Suzanne last night after not seeing her for about four months. She and I discussed how much it bothers us that we have to schedule each other in to our days...It's awful and frankly, I don't think life is meant to be this way.
So how is it meant to be? There is no white space left in my agenda book for weeks, and I hate it. Why do I do this to myself? How did things get this hectic? And more importantly, how do I change it all? I think this is the way a lot of Americans live their lives. The glorified idea of productivity is embedded in our culture; we thrive off of so-called productive days, and yet so may of us are unhappy, agitated, or simply feeling less than satisfied.
It's so easy to catch this American Runner's Disease that has spread among our people. We sprint both mentally and physically from one task, one location to the next; the fast-paced lifestyle is no longer the exception but the rule. Is it not true that anything which doesn't go at lightning speed seems to piss us off? Slow drivers, slow service, the elderly....We have no tolerance for that which doesn't keep up with us, and we often don't see anything wrong with expressing our dissatisfaction.
It's all rather unsettling....but I guess it all comes down to making choices and compromising. Perhaps we must all learn to choose what we "should" do a little less often and rule in favor of what we want and need a little more often.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
We and They
--By Rudyard Kipling
Father, Mother and Me
Sister and Auntie say
All the people like us are We,
And every one else is They.
And They live over the sea,
While We live over the way,
But--would you believe it?--They look upon We
As only a sort of They!
We eat pork and beef
With cow-horn-handled knives.
They who gobble Their rice off a leaf,
Are horrified out of Their lives;
And They who live up a tree,
And feast on grubs and clay,
(Isn't it scandalous?) look upon We
As a simply disgusting They!
We shoot birds with a gun.
They stick lions with spears.
Their full-dress is un-.
We dress up to Our ears.
They like Their friends for Tea.
We like Our friends to stay;
And after all that, They look upon We
As an utterly ignorant They!
We eat kitcheny food,
We have doors that latch.
They drink milk or blood,
Under an open thatch.
We have Doctors to fee.
They have Wizards to pay.
And (impudent heathens!) They look upon We
As a quite impossible They!
All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
And every one else is They;
But if you cross over the sea,
Instead of over the way,
You may end up (think of it!) looking on We
As only a sort of They!
Father, Mother and Me
Sister and Auntie say
All the people like us are We,
And every one else is They.
And They live over the sea,
While We live over the way,
But--would you believe it?--They look upon We
As only a sort of They!
We eat pork and beef
With cow-horn-handled knives.
They who gobble Their rice off a leaf,
Are horrified out of Their lives;
And They who live up a tree,
And feast on grubs and clay,
(Isn't it scandalous?) look upon We
As a simply disgusting They!
We shoot birds with a gun.
They stick lions with spears.
Their full-dress is un-.
We dress up to Our ears.
They like Their friends for Tea.
We like Our friends to stay;
And after all that, They look upon We
As an utterly ignorant They!
We eat kitcheny food,
We have doors that latch.
They drink milk or blood,
Under an open thatch.
We have Doctors to fee.
They have Wizards to pay.
And (impudent heathens!) They look upon We
As a quite impossible They!
All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
And every one else is They;
But if you cross over the sea,
Instead of over the way,
You may end up (think of it!) looking on We
As only a sort of They!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Ants in My Pants
I'm sitting in the library and I just can't concentrate. Everyone says education is important, and I know they're right. But that's such a broad statement. Education. What exactly is education? What is worth learning about, and what isn't? I have such a hard time sitting here reading Shakespeare when there is so much else to be done.
My heart is not in my schoolwork. It is in Aid to South Africa; yoga; and it is abroad. It is in all of the other activities I currently find more merit in than analyzing Shakespeare's writing. I have this constant sense of agitation when I am not focusing on my work in ASA. I want to be where my heart is, all day, everyday. Spending my time buried in books is not what education is all about to me. I want to be out in the world experiencing it, not reading about it, analyzing it from afar. I have been itching for years to make my life about action, not idle longing. Well, that itch has increased to a full-blown uncontainable need. I just can't sit here anymore.
And yet I know I have 8 months of this left before I can start putting my energies elsewhere....exactly where that is right now, I'm not quite sure. I have dreams of picking up and moving out West to be among the mountains that captured my heart long ago, but I also have thoughts of remaining in West Chester because it would be nice to be in one place for awhile.
But who the hell knows? I sure don't. All I know is my body is gearing up to run, a sensation that has became ever-so-familiar over time. I've gotta let my spirit go and see where it leads me. I'll crack down and finish this work like I always do, but I refuse to ignore the part of me that knows there's something more...
My heart is not in my schoolwork. It is in Aid to South Africa; yoga; and it is abroad. It is in all of the other activities I currently find more merit in than analyzing Shakespeare's writing. I have this constant sense of agitation when I am not focusing on my work in ASA. I want to be where my heart is, all day, everyday. Spending my time buried in books is not what education is all about to me. I want to be out in the world experiencing it, not reading about it, analyzing it from afar. I have been itching for years to make my life about action, not idle longing. Well, that itch has increased to a full-blown uncontainable need. I just can't sit here anymore.
And yet I know I have 8 months of this left before I can start putting my energies elsewhere....exactly where that is right now, I'm not quite sure. I have dreams of picking up and moving out West to be among the mountains that captured my heart long ago, but I also have thoughts of remaining in West Chester because it would be nice to be in one place for awhile.
But who the hell knows? I sure don't. All I know is my body is gearing up to run, a sensation that has became ever-so-familiar over time. I've gotta let my spirit go and see where it leads me. I'll crack down and finish this work like I always do, but I refuse to ignore the part of me that knows there's something more...
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Pleaser
I can't remember the last time I wrote a poem...feels good to get back to it. I wrote this one for my CRW301 Into. to Poetry class, and although it would normally take me days to complete a poem when I used to write poetry, I banged this one out in a few hours. I guess after a few years there is plenty to catch up on...
The Pleaser
The Pleaser
I barely catch my breath
Before running to the next
Got the same ol’ smile
In place, no space for failure
No space for error
I’m movin’, groovin’
To the beat you set for me
I’m yours entirely
Got no time to be mine,
Runnin’ through this world defined
Every day I say,
Tomorrow will be new,
Tomorrow will be different
Yet each daybreak looks the same
Will I ever have it change?
Monday, September 5, 2011
Awake My Soul
"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open
Don’t go back to sleep.”
--Rumi
It's hard to believe that I have been in the states for 9 days now. I'm still in quite a daze to say the least because of how quickly everything happened: I returned to Long Island the night of Friday, August 26 just to find out that my family and I needed to evacuate our home because of Hurricane Irene; after relocating to my grandmother's home a town over from mine on Saturday, August 27 (everything turned out fine and it was thankfully not as bad as the forecasters predicted) I drove the 3 hours to West Chester on Monday morning, moved in to my new apartment, and began classes less than 5 hours later...Whew! What a crazy first week back; I still can't believe I'm finally back home. I'm not sure if my time went slowly or quickly, but either way it's crazy to think that just a week and a half ago, I was more than 2,000 miles away living with a Costa Rican family and speaking another language.
But because I have been wandering through these past 9 days tiredly and with an absent mind, and after taking time to reflect upon what my daily activities have consisted of since my return, I've realized that I have unfortunately fallen right back into the same bad habits I had hoped to change by altering my environment; a.e. eating unhealthy food, sleeping too much, not making time to exercise, etc. Granted, I was unaware that I had reverted back to my old habits since I've been jumping from one task to the next, but still I am now thinking to myself, "Are you kidding me? WAKE UP!" The whole point of my trip to Costa Rica was to gain new perspective and to better myself in any way possible. So how could I immediately allow myself to return to a lifestyle I desperately wanted to change?
The key here is awareness: once you have it, don't let yourself lose it. As Rumi says, stay awake with enlightenment; don't go back to sleep with ignorance. When we are lucky enough to have an experience that teaches us some lesson, we cannot allow ourselves to think that learning the lesson is enough, because it's not. We must then apply what we have learned to our lives or else all that we have learned will be lost.
My time in Costa Rica was relatively well spent and offered me countless valuable lessons including lessons about daily living and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I now have the opportunity to apply all that I learned to my daily life here in West Chester, PA. Why would I not seize this brilliant opportunity?...I have no answer to this question except that it's easier said than done. But that's not enough to stop me from making the quality of my life better because I know the hard work will be worth it.
So I'm gonna go with Rumi on this one and say there will be no more sleeping for me...Life has too much to offer for me to sleep through it.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
To Everything-- Turn, Turn, Turn
Due to the weekend forecast for the New York area regarding Hurricane Irene, I am no longer leaving on Saturday to return home and am instead leaving early tomorrow morning. So this is it! My (unexpectedly) final day in Costa Rica. It has been quite the journey, and I am forever grateful that I was given the opportunity to be here for these 6 weeks. Granted, it was significantly harder for me to live in another country than I had thought, even for such a relatively short time; I have many more attachments to my life in the states than I thought I did, and I therefore spent many a day homesick and culture shocked. But for the most part, I didn't let such feelings stop me from enjoying my time here. Plus, becoming aware of my attachments has part of the learning process we know to be life. It's just another part of my story, and it's been a beautiful one.
For every person (and place!) who made this trip as wonderful as it's been: my greatest appreciation to you for further opening my eyes to myself and to the world around me. I wouldn't be what I am today without having known you all, and I aspire to maintain the sense of adventurous risk you have helped to kindle within me. Finally, a special thanks to Janiva and Sol Education Abroad for designing such a personal, cultural study abroad experience!
Having said all this, I am SO looking forward to New York pizza, the English language, air conditioning, and insect-free sleeping accommodations to name only a few luxuries of our home country--United States of America, my home, sweet, home, HERE I COME!
For every person (and place!) who made this trip as wonderful as it's been: my greatest appreciation to you for further opening my eyes to myself and to the world around me. I wouldn't be what I am today without having known you all, and I aspire to maintain the sense of adventurous risk you have helped to kindle within me. Finally, a special thanks to Janiva and Sol Education Abroad for designing such a personal, cultural study abroad experience!
Having said all this, I am SO looking forward to New York pizza, the English language, air conditioning, and insect-free sleeping accommodations to name only a few luxuries of our home country--United States of America, my home, sweet, home, HERE I COME!
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Penny for Your Introspective Thoughts
This past weekend, four of us in our group visited La Fortuna, one of the more well-known tourist hot spots in Costa Rica known mostly for its recently active volcano. After making the 3 1/2 hour bus ride from Heredia to La Fortuna Saturday morning, we hiked to see las cataratas--the waterfalls--during the day and then spent the evening at Las Aguas Termales a Baldi, or Baldi Hot Springs. It was a fun-filled day and definitely worth the trip for the activities of Saturday alone.
As for Sunday, I had it in my head that I would sleep in as late as possible before we went zip lining with Ecoglide Canopy Tour Ziplining...but my body had another idea. Like clockwork, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. (the same time I have woken up every day for class for the past 5 weeks) and was as alert as could be. I decided not to fight what my body clearly wanted, so I got up, took a shower, had breakfast, and sat down to some journaling. Last weekend in Punta Mona, our director, Janiva, had given us several journal questions to answer when we felt the time was right. With 3 hours of free time, I decided to revisit the prompts and see what I could come up with. Of the several reflective questions, including "What do I really want to get out of life?" and "What are some of my lifetime goals?", I was able to come up with sufficient and satisfying responses to all of the questions--except one. With nearly every inquiry, I needed a mere 5-10 minutes to reflect and then I would come to an answer that felt right. But in my journal filled with abundant notation, there is still only blank, white space beneath these words (and in my brain): "What can I offer the world that no one else can?"
Indeed, as I grow older and see more of our world I am humbled with the realization that there is really so much out there--so much love, hope, and faith but perhaps just as much death, helplessness, and despair. My former well-meaning but naive mentality that I could cure world hunger or help create world peace has therefore been checked, as I take a step back to survey the vast universal damage my hands alone cannot fix. I have also realized how many incredible, inspiring people there are who are the movers and shakers of humanity, actively working to help this world reach its fullest potential. So when it comes to the unanswered question above, I am presently at a loss. I enjoy serving others, but there is so much to do; I can be passionate and determined, but so can a lot of other people; I can contribute my writing, but is my writing good enough?
I do believe that each of us has a unique role to play and an impressive amount of unrealized potential only found if one is open to it, and I believe that I possess something special to offer the world...but I have yet to fully discover or embrace what that something special is. As I continue to reflect on this inquiry, then, I now pose the same query to you:
What can YOU offer the world that no one else can?
I'd say it's a question worth exploring.
As for Sunday, I had it in my head that I would sleep in as late as possible before we went zip lining with Ecoglide Canopy Tour Ziplining...but my body had another idea. Like clockwork, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. (the same time I have woken up every day for class for the past 5 weeks) and was as alert as could be. I decided not to fight what my body clearly wanted, so I got up, took a shower, had breakfast, and sat down to some journaling. Last weekend in Punta Mona, our director, Janiva, had given us several journal questions to answer when we felt the time was right. With 3 hours of free time, I decided to revisit the prompts and see what I could come up with. Of the several reflective questions, including "What do I really want to get out of life?" and "What are some of my lifetime goals?", I was able to come up with sufficient and satisfying responses to all of the questions--except one. With nearly every inquiry, I needed a mere 5-10 minutes to reflect and then I would come to an answer that felt right. But in my journal filled with abundant notation, there is still only blank, white space beneath these words (and in my brain): "What can I offer the world that no one else can?"
Indeed, as I grow older and see more of our world I am humbled with the realization that there is really so much out there--so much love, hope, and faith but perhaps just as much death, helplessness, and despair. My former well-meaning but naive mentality that I could cure world hunger or help create world peace has therefore been checked, as I take a step back to survey the vast universal damage my hands alone cannot fix. I have also realized how many incredible, inspiring people there are who are the movers and shakers of humanity, actively working to help this world reach its fullest potential. So when it comes to the unanswered question above, I am presently at a loss. I enjoy serving others, but there is so much to do; I can be passionate and determined, but so can a lot of other people; I can contribute my writing, but is my writing good enough?
I do believe that each of us has a unique role to play and an impressive amount of unrealized potential only found if one is open to it, and I believe that I possess something special to offer the world...but I have yet to fully discover or embrace what that something special is. As I continue to reflect on this inquiry, then, I now pose the same query to you:
What can YOU offer the world that no one else can?
I'd say it's a question worth exploring.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The View from Here
I have 9 more days here in Costa Rica, and I can't help but think of home. I want to keep my energy and attention focused on the present moment, but at the same time I can't seem to contain my excitement about returning home to all of the people and places I know and love. And to be honest, I don't really want to contain my excitement. I have never been so appreciative of the familiar, and although I have learned a great deal of invaluable lessons during my time here, I think the most important lesson I am taking away is how precious my life in the states is. I'm not saying that I think the United States or my life are perfect; I haven't been so jaded by my travels to do a 360 in political opinion or to forget those parts of my life that I find not so favorable.
Nonetheless, maintaining a certain distance from anything can cause your vision to become clearer than the blurry mess it may have previously been. Therefore, in a little over week I will board Delta flight #414 knowing that in just a few short hours, I will be returning to a beautiful life with irreplaceable friends and family, a boyfriend with whom I share a precious and thrilling love, and two places I can fondly call my home; I will proudly continue in the process of obtaining an education that will (hopefully) afford me many opportunities in the future, and I will have the honor of doing all of this in a country that, due to the tenacity of its many forward-thinking citizens, constantly strives to improve itself through freedom and democracy.
Of course, none of this means that I am going to allow myself to become a hermit and withdraw into my little Long Island/West Chester life; the reason I have arrived at this point in my thinking is that I pushed myself to go beyond the boundaries of comfort. I therefore intend to push those borders even further so that I never close myself off to the greater world of experience, opportunity, thought, and belief. Exactly what I will do to remain accessible mentally and emotionally (a.e. continue traveling internationally) has yet to be determined, but I will remember and weigh heavily all that I have learned and continue to learn during my time abroad...and when August 27 arrives with me in tow, I will happily kiss the ground upon setting foot on U.S. soil.
Nonetheless, maintaining a certain distance from anything can cause your vision to become clearer than the blurry mess it may have previously been. Therefore, in a little over week I will board Delta flight #414 knowing that in just a few short hours, I will be returning to a beautiful life with irreplaceable friends and family, a boyfriend with whom I share a precious and thrilling love, and two places I can fondly call my home; I will proudly continue in the process of obtaining an education that will (hopefully) afford me many opportunities in the future, and I will have the honor of doing all of this in a country that, due to the tenacity of its many forward-thinking citizens, constantly strives to improve itself through freedom and democracy.
Of course, none of this means that I am going to allow myself to become a hermit and withdraw into my little Long Island/West Chester life; the reason I have arrived at this point in my thinking is that I pushed myself to go beyond the boundaries of comfort. I therefore intend to push those borders even further so that I never close myself off to the greater world of experience, opportunity, thought, and belief. Exactly what I will do to remain accessible mentally and emotionally (a.e. continue traveling internationally) has yet to be determined, but I will remember and weigh heavily all that I have learned and continue to learn during my time abroad...and when August 27 arrives with me in tow, I will happily kiss the ground upon setting foot on U.S. soil.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Canción de Otoño
Ericka and I learned this song--Canción de Otoño by Jose Luis Perales-- today in our Civilization and Culture of Latin America class (we are the only two people in the class). I enjoyed listening to it and it was pretty much the highlight of my relatively uneventful day, minus the fact that I finished souvenir shopping for some folks back home. I am therefore ending the day with some quality tune-age and a sense of accomplishment. Enjoy=)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2wX7saNsLE
These are the lyrics. I looked for them in English but no go, so Español it is!
http://www.musica.com/letras.asp?letra=1127672
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2wX7saNsLE
These are the lyrics. I looked for them in English but no go, so Español it is!
http://www.musica.com/letras.asp?letra=1127672
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Issy and the Toucan Rescue Ranch
I wouldn't normally post another message so quickly after the last one, but I am currently bursting at the seams to share with everyone what happened today!!
For those of you who have seen the e-mails I sent out before I started this blog, you may remember that I visited the Toucan Rescue Ranch in San Isidro, Costa Rica a few weeks ago to see the over 30 species of birds and 6 mammals that were rescued by the owners of the ranch, Leslie Howle and Jorge Murillo. Now, I am often especially skeptical of places that claim to benefit animals because we too often find that the owners are actually mistreating and exploiting the animals for their own profit. So when I arrived at the ranch the first time, I was pretty skeptical. I soon realized, though, that the Toucan Rescue Ranch was run by two people whose hearts are truly in the right place. As I walked around the couples' property and heard the stories of how their many toucans, owls, and sloths as well as their hawk, porcupine, kinkajou, and monkey arrived at the ranch (some were hit by cars, others were captured by abusers and chained to fences, and others were shot), I was amazed by the time, dedication, and love Leslie and Jorge devote to their animals. And when I found out they are barely able to make ends meet every month due mostly to the fact that they run the entire place on their own with no financial support from the government, I knew I wanted to help them fundraise when I get back to the states.
This led my friend Ericka and me to revisit the ranch to find out more information about it so that we could help raise the funds. We enjoyed being there with the couple and their animals so much that we decided to go back today to help them feed the animals. While there, the couple let Issy the spider monkey out of her cage so that Ericka and I could feed her. Issy was so timid at first that she grabbed the fruit and would run back to her cage, looking curiously at us but still keeping her distance. After a few minutes, Issy walked over to Jorge and sat on his lap while eating her papaya. At this point I was thinking, wow, what an incredible bond they have; if only she trusted me that much to sit with me, it would truly be something special...Now, if I didn't already believe in the power of positive thinking, this would be the turn around for me because as soon as I thought that, Issy left Jorge's lap, walked over to me, and hugged me! She wrapped her tail around my waist and clung to me before settling into my lap. All of us were dumbfounded; Jorge's jaw just about hit the floor, as he had already explained to us no one ever gets this close to Issy let alone has her voluntarily climbing all over them!
Issy sat clinging to me (and pulling down my shirt...awkward) for a good 10 minutes before she decided to go steal a slice of papaya from the porcupine's cage and play in the rain puddles. But let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had in my life. I'll never forget the feeling of her little body cuddled close to mine as she looked up at me and touched my face with her hands. This all may sound embellished, but I'm speaking honestly; it moved me and I feel so blessed that Issy would trust in me enough to allow me to share that moment with her.
On the cab ride back to Heredia, I tried to push away the thoughts that were now creeping into my head; but they persisted: What if Leslie and Jorge hadn't saved Issy? What if Rescue and Wildlife had never went into the backyard of Issy's abuser to take her away from the tree she was chained to? The truth is that Issy would be dead and I would have never had that once in a lifetime experience with this beautiful, loving spider monkey.
From the bottom of my heart, Leslie and Jorge, I thank you for all of the beautiful work you do, and I am going to do my best to help your ranch continue. We need more people like you who make such a positive impact in our world in a unique, loving way.
For more information on the Toucan Rescue Ranch, go to http://www.toucanrescueranch.com/. And if anyone would like to donate money to the ranch or help me raise money for the ranch, please let me know! Issy and the more than 100 other animals at the ranch will have you to thank when they can continue to have a place that allows them to not only survive, but a place they can also call home.
For those of you who have seen the e-mails I sent out before I started this blog, you may remember that I visited the Toucan Rescue Ranch in San Isidro, Costa Rica a few weeks ago to see the over 30 species of birds and 6 mammals that were rescued by the owners of the ranch, Leslie Howle and Jorge Murillo. Now, I am often especially skeptical of places that claim to benefit animals because we too often find that the owners are actually mistreating and exploiting the animals for their own profit. So when I arrived at the ranch the first time, I was pretty skeptical. I soon realized, though, that the Toucan Rescue Ranch was run by two people whose hearts are truly in the right place. As I walked around the couples' property and heard the stories of how their many toucans, owls, and sloths as well as their hawk, porcupine, kinkajou, and monkey arrived at the ranch (some were hit by cars, others were captured by abusers and chained to fences, and others were shot), I was amazed by the time, dedication, and love Leslie and Jorge devote to their animals. And when I found out they are barely able to make ends meet every month due mostly to the fact that they run the entire place on their own with no financial support from the government, I knew I wanted to help them fundraise when I get back to the states.
This led my friend Ericka and me to revisit the ranch to find out more information about it so that we could help raise the funds. We enjoyed being there with the couple and their animals so much that we decided to go back today to help them feed the animals. While there, the couple let Issy the spider monkey out of her cage so that Ericka and I could feed her. Issy was so timid at first that she grabbed the fruit and would run back to her cage, looking curiously at us but still keeping her distance. After a few minutes, Issy walked over to Jorge and sat on his lap while eating her papaya. At this point I was thinking, wow, what an incredible bond they have; if only she trusted me that much to sit with me, it would truly be something special...Now, if I didn't already believe in the power of positive thinking, this would be the turn around for me because as soon as I thought that, Issy left Jorge's lap, walked over to me, and hugged me! She wrapped her tail around my waist and clung to me before settling into my lap. All of us were dumbfounded; Jorge's jaw just about hit the floor, as he had already explained to us no one ever gets this close to Issy let alone has her voluntarily climbing all over them!
Issy sat clinging to me (and pulling down my shirt...awkward) for a good 10 minutes before she decided to go steal a slice of papaya from the porcupine's cage and play in the rain puddles. But let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had in my life. I'll never forget the feeling of her little body cuddled close to mine as she looked up at me and touched my face with her hands. This all may sound embellished, but I'm speaking honestly; it moved me and I feel so blessed that Issy would trust in me enough to allow me to share that moment with her.
From the bottom of my heart, Leslie and Jorge, I thank you for all of the beautiful work you do, and I am going to do my best to help your ranch continue. We need more people like you who make such a positive impact in our world in a unique, loving way.
For more information on the Toucan Rescue Ranch, go to http://www.toucanrescueranch.com/. And if anyone would like to donate money to the ranch or help me raise money for the ranch, please let me know! Issy and the more than 100 other animals at the ranch will have you to thank when they can continue to have a place that allows them to not only survive, but a place they can also call home.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Punta Mona: Una Paraiso Selva (A Jungle Paradise)
Well, the past few days have been an incredible shift from what I was experiencing when I posted my last blog. I've been trying to think of a way to describe this weekend, and I keep coming back to one word: magical. Last weekend the majority of students in our Sol Education Abroad group left, so we are now down to an intimate and friendly group of 8 as compared to the original 30 or so people. And with those 7 wonderful individuals, I had the privilege of spending the past 2 1/2 days eating countless tropical fruit right off the trees, observing wild monos congos (Howler monkeys) in their natural habitat, learning about the beauty of permaculture & sustainable living, meeting local Costa Rican natives, snorkeling, kayaking, and watching the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean. Intense, right? It definitely was but in only the best possible way.
Punta Mona, an 85 acre off the grid, family owned environmental education center, botanical collection, permaculture farm and eco-lodge, is a place unlike any other. Given that it is located in the middle of the jungle, there are only 2 ways to get there: a "ferry" (or a very small boat that probably should not have tried to fit the 8 of us plus our director and the person driving the boat on it) or a 2-hour hike through the rain forest. We opted for the ferry (so unadventurous of us, I know) and when we arrived in Punta Mona, we were greeted by Fabian and Sylvia, who run the education center, and Miguel, one of the local Natives. From there, we settled into the rustic but welcoming lodge complete with solar powered electricity, mosquito nets, and bordered by an abundance of tropical fruit trees, vegetables, herbs, and medicinal plants on every side.
I had been looking forward to this excursion since our director, Janiva, first told us about it approx. 3 weeks ago. When Janiva realized we had today off from school for the national holiday of Mother's Day here in Costa Rica, she knew exactly the place to take us for the long weekend. And boy, was she dead on. I couldn't--and still can't--believe a place like Punta Mona really exists. I was in complete awe all weekend as we participated in calming yoga classes, ate organically at every meal, and enjoyed the natural solitude Punta Monta so graciously offers.
Besides Fabian, Sylvia, and Miguel, there were two others who helped make our stay all the more beautiful: they were Saskia and Kamilo, friends of Fabian and Sylvia who were helping out at the lodge for the weekend. Our group was the only one at Punta Mona for the long weekend, which gave us the opportunity to have a more personal experience at the lodge (although the lodge is pretty small to begin with, so I'm sure it is almost always a personal experience since Punta Mona can only accommodate a certain number of people at once).
From left to right: Fabian, Saskia, Kamilo, Sylvia, and Janiva
Perhaps the most incredible experience overall for me (which is exceptionally difficult to judge since the entire weekend was extraordinary) was the conversations I had with the others. We talked about as much as the weekend would afford us, including traveling, our lifelong goals, thoughts about humanity's unpromised future, and our favorite books/movies. I sincerely enjoyed the company of each and every person I spent my time with, and I felt a strong connection with all of them as we passed the time together in a place that not many people have had the privilege of seeing.
This weekend was just what I needed. I feel refreshed and am eager to see what's in store for my future. At the same time, though, Punta Mona has many secrets to share with its visitors, one of which is this: Live in the moment. Stop fretting about the future, because it's not here yet. The only time and day that is guaranteed is the precious one you are holding in the palm of your hand right now. Don't let it slip through your fingers, unappreciated, unnoticed, because you can't get it back.
Punta Mona, an 85 acre off the grid, family owned environmental education center, botanical collection, permaculture farm and eco-lodge, is a place unlike any other. Given that it is located in the middle of the jungle, there are only 2 ways to get there: a "ferry" (or a very small boat that probably should not have tried to fit the 8 of us plus our director and the person driving the boat on it) or a 2-hour hike through the rain forest. We opted for the ferry (so unadventurous of us, I know) and when we arrived in Punta Mona, we were greeted by Fabian and Sylvia, who run the education center, and Miguel, one of the local Natives. From there, we settled into the rustic but welcoming lodge complete with solar powered electricity, mosquito nets, and bordered by an abundance of tropical fruit trees, vegetables, herbs, and medicinal plants on every side.
I had been looking forward to this excursion since our director, Janiva, first told us about it approx. 3 weeks ago. When Janiva realized we had today off from school for the national holiday of Mother's Day here in Costa Rica, she knew exactly the place to take us for the long weekend. And boy, was she dead on. I couldn't--and still can't--believe a place like Punta Mona really exists. I was in complete awe all weekend as we participated in calming yoga classes, ate organically at every meal, and enjoyed the natural solitude Punta Monta so graciously offers.
Besides Fabian, Sylvia, and Miguel, there were two others who helped make our stay all the more beautiful: they were Saskia and Kamilo, friends of Fabian and Sylvia who were helping out at the lodge for the weekend. Our group was the only one at Punta Mona for the long weekend, which gave us the opportunity to have a more personal experience at the lodge (although the lodge is pretty small to begin with, so I'm sure it is almost always a personal experience since Punta Mona can only accommodate a certain number of people at once).
Perhaps the most incredible experience overall for me (which is exceptionally difficult to judge since the entire weekend was extraordinary) was the conversations I had with the others. We talked about as much as the weekend would afford us, including traveling, our lifelong goals, thoughts about humanity's unpromised future, and our favorite books/movies. I sincerely enjoyed the company of each and every person I spent my time with, and I felt a strong connection with all of them as we passed the time together in a place that not many people have had the privilege of seeing.
This weekend was just what I needed. I feel refreshed and am eager to see what's in store for my future. At the same time, though, Punta Mona has many secrets to share with its visitors, one of which is this: Live in the moment. Stop fretting about the future, because it's not here yet. The only time and day that is guaranteed is the precious one you are holding in the palm of your hand right now. Don't let it slip through your fingers, unappreciated, unnoticed, because you can't get it back.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Uncertain Times
"Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it."
-George Carlin
It's the end of week 4 and much to my astonishment, feelings of homesickness for the U.S. are starting to set in. I'm surprised because not only do I enjoy traveling and the discovery that comes with it, but more importantly, as you may know, I am oftentimes...lacking in love for the United States, if you will. I take up issue with our materialism, cell phone addictions, workaholism, our need for productivity to feel a sense of worth, and the sheltering bubble too many of us live in and are contented with. I could go on, but I'll stop there because my intention for this blog is not to present a list of grievances.
On the contrary, I find myself uncomfortably attached to my life in the states. I'm trying to just take in all that I'm feeling without judgment but to be honest, I'm disappointed that I'm struggling so much with my time abroad. I would love to be able to say I feel free and ready to conquer the world with no looking back. But instead I'm confused and wondering what this means for my future. Am I not fit for a life abroad like I thought I was? Will my attachments send me running home and away from what I thought I wanted? Or will I awaken in a few days with a newfound sense of security and adventure, open to any and all opportunities ahead? These feelings of uncertainty have the ability and power to drive a person loco (and we all know I've been off my rocker for awhile, so it'll be interesting to see what's in store for me!).
Anyway, I've got nothing but questions at the moment and the hope that all will be made clear in due time. Until then, I will breathe deeply and take in everything as it comes.
-George Carlin
It's the end of week 4 and much to my astonishment, feelings of homesickness for the U.S. are starting to set in. I'm surprised because not only do I enjoy traveling and the discovery that comes with it, but more importantly, as you may know, I am oftentimes...lacking in love for the United States, if you will. I take up issue with our materialism, cell phone addictions, workaholism, our need for productivity to feel a sense of worth, and the sheltering bubble too many of us live in and are contented with. I could go on, but I'll stop there because my intention for this blog is not to present a list of grievances.
On the contrary, I find myself uncomfortably attached to my life in the states. I'm trying to just take in all that I'm feeling without judgment but to be honest, I'm disappointed that I'm struggling so much with my time abroad. I would love to be able to say I feel free and ready to conquer the world with no looking back. But instead I'm confused and wondering what this means for my future. Am I not fit for a life abroad like I thought I was? Will my attachments send me running home and away from what I thought I wanted? Or will I awaken in a few days with a newfound sense of security and adventure, open to any and all opportunities ahead? These feelings of uncertainty have the ability and power to drive a person loco (and we all know I've been off my rocker for awhile, so it'll be interesting to see what's in store for me!).
Anyway, I've got nothing but questions at the moment and the hope that all will be made clear in due time. Until then, I will breathe deeply and take in everything as it comes.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
We've All Gotta Start Somewhere
Right now, I am living in Heredia, Costa Rica with a Tico (Costa Rican) family. I have been here for 24 lovely, challenging, awful, and beautiful days, and I have 18 more days of adventure left. (Yes, for those of you who are wondering: it took me longer than it should have to do that math. I am, by true nature, a woman of words, not numbers). So why am I making this blog more than halfway through my trip? Simply stated, because I need it. For one reason or another, I have a tendency to ignore the interminable desire I feel within to write, which may calm from time to time whenever I inscribe snippets via e-mail or snail mail but never does it cease.
It may seem like a strange time to create this blog but in reality, it's the perfect time for me. I am entering a stage of my life where I am trying to more actively nourish those parts of me I have in the past neglected--a fault I believe I share with the vast majority of humanity, save self-actualized beings such as the Dalai Lama and...well yeah, he's the only one I can think of at the moment that's got it down well enough to sit perched upon Maslow's Hierachy, softly chuckling to himself about how time after time, I falter on my way up the slippery slope of self-discovery. Regardless, it's time I honor the words that have until now been tucked tightly away behind the--sad to say--closed door of my thoughts and emotions.
I won't try and summarize what activities I have engaged in over the past 3 weeks because that wouldn't do justice to the people I've met, places I've seen, and thoughts I have considered. Instead, I will simply say what I am feeling now and if in future posts thoughts of my time here happen to creep into my writing, I hope to give them the time and space they deserve in my explanations.
So then where do I stand right now? How do I begin releasing the mixed up thoughts that have been discretely yet sufficiently tormenting me since I chose to let them fester instead of putting them out there, to you, Dear Void? Well, as I sit here in my tropically decorated front yard (courtesy of Mother Nature; she does great work, you should look her up) admiring my precious, freshly painted home away from home here in El Residencial del Rio, I gaze up at the foreboding mid-afternoon clouds, lying in wait for them to share their rainwater. The truth is, I came to Costa Rica in hopes that I would find clarity, but I have never before been more bombarded with questions. Do I want to live abroad, or in my own country? What should I do when I graduate? How do I know what's right for me, and what isn't? And more importantly...how does this toilet work?
Okay, sorry, I digress with the last part; and really it was the shower that gave me more difficulty (although I can't seem to get it in my head that the toilet paper must go in the trash bin, not the toilet). Anyway, there's a lot more where that came from but I'll spare you the laundry list of uncertainty. It's way too much to think about at once...No wonder my head is spinning.
But where do I find my solace, then? In the fact that little by little, I am creating a life for myself that I can be proud of. Little by little, I am making my self and my life better. Even creating this blog when I knew it would be good for me was a step in the right direction. The term "baby steps" is one that sometimes makes me want to roll my eyes, but when I stop being so cynical, I remember the worn-out yet nonetheless wise words of Confucius:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
This is my next step.
It may seem like a strange time to create this blog but in reality, it's the perfect time for me. I am entering a stage of my life where I am trying to more actively nourish those parts of me I have in the past neglected--a fault I believe I share with the vast majority of humanity, save self-actualized beings such as the Dalai Lama and...well yeah, he's the only one I can think of at the moment that's got it down well enough to sit perched upon Maslow's Hierachy, softly chuckling to himself about how time after time, I falter on my way up the slippery slope of self-discovery. Regardless, it's time I honor the words that have until now been tucked tightly away behind the--sad to say--closed door of my thoughts and emotions.
I won't try and summarize what activities I have engaged in over the past 3 weeks because that wouldn't do justice to the people I've met, places I've seen, and thoughts I have considered. Instead, I will simply say what I am feeling now and if in future posts thoughts of my time here happen to creep into my writing, I hope to give them the time and space they deserve in my explanations.
So then where do I stand right now? How do I begin releasing the mixed up thoughts that have been discretely yet sufficiently tormenting me since I chose to let them fester instead of putting them out there, to you, Dear Void? Well, as I sit here in my tropically decorated front yard (courtesy of Mother Nature; she does great work, you should look her up) admiring my precious, freshly painted home away from home here in El Residencial del Rio, I gaze up at the foreboding mid-afternoon clouds, lying in wait for them to share their rainwater. The truth is, I came to Costa Rica in hopes that I would find clarity, but I have never before been more bombarded with questions. Do I want to live abroad, or in my own country? What should I do when I graduate? How do I know what's right for me, and what isn't? And more importantly...how does this toilet work?
Okay, sorry, I digress with the last part; and really it was the shower that gave me more difficulty (although I can't seem to get it in my head that the toilet paper must go in the trash bin, not the toilet). Anyway, there's a lot more where that came from but I'll spare you the laundry list of uncertainty. It's way too much to think about at once...No wonder my head is spinning.
But where do I find my solace, then? In the fact that little by little, I am creating a life for myself that I can be proud of. Little by little, I am making my self and my life better. Even creating this blog when I knew it would be good for me was a step in the right direction. The term "baby steps" is one that sometimes makes me want to roll my eyes, but when I stop being so cynical, I remember the worn-out yet nonetheless wise words of Confucius:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
This is my next step.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)