We've All Gotta Start Somewhere

Right now, I am living in Heredia, Costa Rica with a Tico (Costa Rican) family. I have been here for 24 lovely, challenging, awful, and beautiful days, and I have 18 more days of adventure left. (Yes, for those of you who are wondering: it took me longer than it should have to do that math. I am, by true nature, a woman of words, not numbers). So why am I making this blog more than halfway through my trip? Simply stated, because I need it. For one reason or another, I have a tendency to ignore the interminable desire I feel within to write, which may calm from time to time whenever I inscribe snippets via e-mail or snail mail but never does it cease.


It may seem like a strange time to create this blog but in reality, it's the perfect time for me. I am entering a stage of my life where I am trying to more actively nourish those parts of me I have in the past neglected--a fault I believe I share with the vast majority of humanity, save self-actualized beings such as the Dalai Lama and...well yeah, he's the only one I can think of at the moment that's got it down well enough to sit perched upon Maslow's Hierachy, softly chuckling to himself about how time after time, I falter on my way up the slippery slope of self-discovery. Regardless, it's time I honor the words that have until now been tucked tightly away behind the--sad to say--closed door of my thoughts and emotions. 


I won't try and summarize what activities I have engaged in over the past 3 weeks because that wouldn't do justice to the people I've met, places I've seen, and thoughts I have considered. Instead, I will simply say what I am feeling now and if in future posts thoughts of my time here happen to creep into my writing, I hope to give them the time and space they deserve in my explanations.


So then where do I stand right now? How do I begin releasing the mixed up thoughts that have been discretely yet sufficiently tormenting me since I chose to let them fester instead of putting them out there, to you, Dear Void? Well, as I sit here in my tropically decorated front yard (courtesy of Mother Nature; she does great work, you should look her up) admiring my precious, freshly painted home away from home here in El Residencial del Rio, I gaze up at the foreboding mid-afternoon clouds, lying in wait for them to share their rainwater. The truth is, I came to Costa Rica in hopes that I would find clarity, but I have never before been more bombarded with questions. Do I want to live abroad, or in my own country? What should I do when I graduate? How do I know what's right for me, and what isn't? And more importantly...how does this toilet work?


Okay, sorry, I digress with the last part; and really it was the shower that gave me more difficulty (although I can't seem to get it in my head that the toilet paper must go in the trash bin, not the toilet). Anyway, there's a lot more where that came from but I'll spare you the laundry list of uncertainty. It's way too much to think about at once...No wonder my head is spinning. 


But where do I find my solace, then? In the fact that little by little, I am creating a life for myself that I can be proud of. Little by little, I am making my self and my life better. Even creating this blog when I knew it would be good for me was a step in the right direction. The term "baby steps" is one that sometimes makes me want to roll my eyes, but when I stop being so cynical, I remember the worn-out yet nonetheless wise words of Confucius:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." 


This is my next step.